Tag: sin

A Legalistic Retrospective

In the opinion of the Religious, in what ways am I judged and responsible for my sins?

To My Wife:  

Thank you for standing by me through the years, and through these struggles.

Thank you for encouraging me.

Thank you for lifting me up in prayer to our Heavenly Father.

What I most resent about my Baptist upbringing is the rigid legalism ingrained in me, serving as a constant yardstick against which I measured my worth.

Throughout my life, I operated under the belief that an angry —or, at the very least, discontented—God was judging me for not meeting His divine standards. The teachings of Sam Cathy resonated in my soul strongly:

  • If you skip church, God will not forgive you.
  • When you willfully sin, there is no sacrifice.
  • After we’re born again, God does not separate our sins from us as far as the East is from the West.
Sam Cathy, paraphrased – about mid-way through; 20-30 minutes

I dreaded facing the Judgment Seat of Christ, knowing that God would list all my moral and spiritual failings, showcasing them as the wood, hay, and stubble that evidenced my inherent unworthiness. Surely the gold, silver, and precious stones could only be reserved for those who did God’s work, those in the ministry – and perhaps a few special others.

I always assumed that my few accomplishments would ultimately be negated; after all, how could someone as inherently flawed as myself ever please God?

Yet, it was nothing short of infuriating and gut-wrenching when I realized that my so-called ‘sins’ were not simply the result of Adam’s original failing or my deliberate straying from the path. No, they were the ghastly outcomes of unresolved emotional and physical trauma that had silently guided my life, unbeknownst to me. The absolute atrocity of the unjust judgment and constant condemnation for elements of my life that were never in my control filled me with silent rage.

In other words, and in the opinion of the Sam Cathys of this world, in what ways am I judged and responsible for my sins, which were unwittingly guided, influenced, and directly seeded by the sins of others who, with malice and forethought, intentionally harmed me? For us, that’s a dark valley journey where only the fearless may walk and ponder1.

So here I am, the Recovering-Legalist, still recovering. I’m not as naive to believe that a world given to sin does not influence our decisions nor the spiritual death of our souls. But neither am I so naive as to think that my worldview, and consequently my broken belief systems that informed my actions, were purely my doing.

For I now understand that I had help. The people who assaulted me helped. The people who molested me helped. The Baptists who taught me legalism and condemnation helped. The Sam Cathys of religion, who taught me to earn the graciousness of God beyond the cross, helped.

I had help to get to where I found myself.

But today, I have found myself in the presence of the unwavering graciousness and mercy of God, who lifted me out of the pit of mirey clay.

Who, by the way, also raised someone else who found themselves in a very similar pit. A person to whom I will be eternally thankful. A person who helped me find, express, and heal the pain lingering in my soul.

You know who you are. Thank you.

  1. Hebrews 4:12 (AMP) For the word of God is living and active and full of power [making it operative, energizing, and effective]. It is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as the division of the soul and spirit [the completeness of a person], and of both joints and marrow [the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and judging the very thoughts and intentions of the heart. ↩︎

The Balancing Act of Grace

What do you do with your sins? You\’ve committed them, you\’ve confessed them, you\’ve been forgiven – but are you still holding on to them?  

Many times we hold onto our sins as a reminder of past failures. We treat their memories as a demonstration of our willingness to show God (and our selves) that, “yes, I really do know who I am and what I did, I really do know the price you paid, and I\’m going to carry some of this burden with you.”  

It\’s as if we convert our forgiven sins into merit badges that are somehow supposed to demonstrate God\’s appreciation of our willingness to carry our part of His forgiveness, a heavy burden, a reminder of who we are in the light of a most Holy and Righteous God. The worse the sin and the greater the forgiveness, then the bigger and shinier the merit bag.

But is that what God calls us to do?

For many of us, living with sin is a balancing that we play: this much sin, that much grace. We think sin and grace balance each other out, and once that\’s done, God is happy with us again…

Right?

So, lets explore this balancing act that we play.

Imagine that you\’re standing before a teeter-totter, and you\’ve got your heavy burden of past sins that you carry with you. You know what I\’m talking about: that big bag of failures you\’ve thrown over your shoulder, that you just can\’t let go of. Now, with your bag of failures, sins, and regrets, sit down on the teeter-totter. If you\’re like most people, and I must assume that you are, gravity will have it\’s way with you, and you and your bag will hit the dirt in short order.

So, there you are on the teeter-totter, just you and your bag sitting on the dusty earth looking up into the bright sunlight.

Now what?

Well, now you ask God to forgive you of those sins and failures that you\’re holding onto. Let\’s assume you\’ve done that (or that you\’re doing it right now.)

Lo and behold, God, being who He is, hears your prayer and shows up and with a huge bag of grace and mercy and says, “Okay, let\’s play this game.” He climbs up on the teeter-totter and, with His bag of grace and mercy, sits down on the other side.

But there\’s a problem: God sat down on the teeter-totter with His bag of Grace and Mercy, but He is up in the air and you\’re still stuck on the ground with your bag of sins!

What\’s the deal with that? It\’s simple actually. God can\’t have your sins until you let go of the bag.

Ah, but you\’ve done this before, haven\’t you? It\’s evident in that you still carry the bag around. You commit a sin, you confess the sin, and then you put the sin into the bag. At a later time, you take the sin out of the bag, confess the sin again, and put the sin back in the bag. The problem is not in your confession, the problem is your focus.

So get up off the teeter-totter, but leave your bag of sin behind in your place, on the teeter-totter. Once you\’ve done that, you notice that God gets off the teeter-totter too, but leaves his bag of grace and mercy behind. As you watch, you see the teeter-totter creak and groan and bend under the weight of God\’s grace and mercy. So what\’s going on now?

Seriously, you\’ve really got to let go of your bag sins, regrets, and failures. Just because you\’re not sitting with them doesn\’t mean you\’ve emotionally let them go. So let go, and let God have them! Stop wasting your time worrying about the past, trust God to leave the past where it belongs and look to the future. Right now, bow your head ask God to forgive you for holding onto that which you have already been released.

As you lift your head too look, you see God\’s grace and mercy crashing down to the earth and your bag of regrets and sins ejected into the air! It travels further and further away, as far as the east is from the west until it\’s a tiny dot, and then, until you can\’t see it anymore.

Once your bag has disappeared, you turn to face the Lord, only to find that He\’s gone. However, He has left His bag of grace and mercy behind for you to use anytime you choose.

But, as you look at His bag of grace and mercy, you notice that it\’s no longer on the teeter-totter.

Seeing that it was apparently heavy enough to discharge your bag of sins, regrets, and failures as far as the east is from the west, then this may seem to be a bit of a problem. But in actuality, it\’s not a problem. Look in the bag. Just untie it and open it up. What do you see? Big, fluffy pillows – you know the kind, the type you like best. Go ahead and dive right on in, grace, mercy, and forgiveness is kind, gentle and warm.

So, the next time you find yourself carrying that bag of sins and regrets, come back to God\’s teeter-totter and drop your bag. Then, ask God to forgive you for carrying the past into the future. Then put God\’s bag of grace and mercy on the other side of that teeter-totter and watch as your sins are ejected to a place that is farther than the east is from the west.

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. (Psalms 103:12, KJV)

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. (John 8:32, KJV)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (I John 1:9, KJV)

\”No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.\” (Luke 9:62, NASB)